Book Review: All Our Loves: Journeys with Polyamory in India by Arundhati Ghosh

Arundhati Ghosh’s All Our Loves: Journeys with Polyamory in India is a bold and unique contribution to the literature on love, relationships, and identity in contemporary India. With candor, empathy, and intellectual rigor, Ghosh explores the realities of polyamorous lives in a society where the very idea of loving more than one person simultaneously remains taboo.

The book is as much a personal narrative as it is a sociocultural exploration, weaving together memoir, interviews, and critical reflection to illuminate the many shapes that love can take.

Ghosh situates polyamory as “perhaps the last existing taboo” in India, a country where even the most liberal minds “stumble when the singularity of love, monoamory-being in love with only one person at any given time-is challenged.”

She notes that while other forms of transgressive love-across caste, religion, or gender-have found some space in public discourse, polyamory remains largely misunderstood, dismissed, or even demonized. As Ghosh writes:

“Polyamory, the idea of loving more than one person at the same time, is often seen as a threat to the very fabric of traditional relationships. It challenges the concept of ownership in love, which is so deeply embedded in the cultural understanding of relationships in India. The very idea of multiple romantic attachments at once seems, to many, a defiance of the natural order.”

In All Our Loves: Journeys with Polyamory in India, Ghosh opens up a critical conversation on how love, attachment, and the structure of relationships are perceived in contemporary Indian society. She delves into how polyamory is not just about romantic love but an evolving way to conceptualize connection, respect, and intimacy.

This sociocultural exploration also touches on the difficulties polyamorous individuals face—ranging from family rejection to societal alienation—and the mental and emotional toll it can take on those who live their truth.

The book offers a deep dive into the personal narratives of people who practice polyamory, exploring the internal and external conflicts they navigate. Ghosh provides space for their voices, emphasizing how polyamory can be a deliberate choice of love and connection, not a lifestyle of mere excess.

Ultimately, Ghosh’s work is a call for empathy, understanding, and the broadening of society’s understanding of love—one that moves beyond the limitations of conventional norms.

The book is a valuable resource for anyone interested in relationships, identity, and the complexities of love in modern India, offering an insight into a world where love is not bound by the limits of monogamy.

Arundhati Ghosh’s All Our Loves: Journeys with Polyamory in India is a pioneering work that offers a fresh lens on love, relationships, and identity in modern India. Through a combination of memoir, interviews, and insightful analysis, Ghosh confronts the often-taboo concept of polyamory in a culture where the very idea of loving multiple people simultaneously remains largely stigmatized.

The book doesn’t just explore polyamory as a personal choice but as a social and cultural challenge to traditional notions of love and commitment.

From the beginning, Ghosh frames polyamory as “perhaps the last existing taboo” in India. She highlights the deeply ingrained belief in monogamy as the only socially acceptable form of romantic love. Even in progressive circles, the notion of loving more than one person at a time is met with discomfort or outright rejection. While other forms of unconventional love—such as inter-caste or inter-religious relationships—have started to find a place in the public conversation, polyamory remains on the periphery, misunderstood and often condemned.

In this book, Ghosh offers a candid and compassionate exploration of how polyamorous individuals navigate their lives in a society that values singular romantic attachments. She weaves together personal experiences with those of others who embrace polyamory, revealing the emotional complexities, social pressures, and intimate dynamics involved. What emerges is a portrait of polyamory not as an indulgence in excess but as an evolving model of love that values respect, consent, and freedom.

Through this work, Ghosh challenges the idea of love as a possessive, exclusive bond and proposes an alternative vision where love can be expansive and non-hierarchical. The book serves not only as a reflection of the lived experiences of polyamorous people but as a call to rethink the cultural norms surrounding relationships in India. It asks readers to reconsider what it means to truly love and how societal frameworks around love can limit the ways in which people connect with one another.

All Our Loves is more than a personal narrative—it is a deep dive into the complexities of human connection, offering a new perspective on relationships and the multifaceted nature of love. Whether or not one agrees with polyamory, Ghosh’s work opens the door for a broader, more inclusive discussion on the nature of romantic and emotional bonds in contemporary Indian society.

“Even the most open-minded people I meet stumble when the singularity of love, monoamory-being in love with only one person at any given time-is challenged. Not just that, if there is a series of these single-partner relationships, they are all meant to culminate into the final ‘one true love’.”

This context holds immense significance. In India, family and marriage are more than personal decisions; they are societal imperatives shaped by religion, law, and cultural traditions. Ghosh’s book, therefore, goes beyond being a mere exploration of polyamory; it challenges the very essence of Indian social structure.

At the heart of Ghosh’s narrative is her own journey. She candidly shares her transformation from feelings of confusion and self-hatred—“For many years, I was consumed with self-loathing, seeing myself as shallow, fickle, and incapable of committing to anything long-term”—to achieving self-acceptance and pride in her identity as a polyamorous individual. Her transparency is striking, as she doesn’t hesitate to confront the pain, loneliness, and fear that accompany living outside the conventional norms.

“I had been misunderstood for a long time, trying to adjust to a monoamorous world. It was a struggle for me to accept and celebrate myself. I knew there were others out there feeling as rejected, as forlorn. I wanted them to feel less lost, less lonely, knowing we are many more.”

Ghosh’s story, however, is not one of singularity, and she is careful to frame her own experiences within the broader context of a larger community. She brings together the voices of other polyamorous Indians—ranging from urban, multilingual, queer, straight, solo, to partnered individuals—each navigating their own boundaries, desires, and struggles. The result is a rich mosaic of lives, showcasing diversity while highlighting shared experiences.

A major goal of the book is to challenge the many myths that surround polyamory. Ghosh takes great care to differentiate polyamory from related concepts like polygamy and ethical non-monogamy. She writes:

“While polyamory refers to loving many people simultaneously, the Greek word ‘gamy’ refers to marriage and so ‘polygamy’ means being married to many people. Similarly, monoamory is the practice of nurturing one relationship of love at a time, but monogamy means being married to one person. However, it is important to note that often monoamory and monogamy are used interchangeably.”

She also tackles the ongoing link between polyamory and promiscuity or “reckless sexual behavior,” arguing that this connection reveals deep-rooted fears surrounding the family unit, state control, and personal insecurities. Ghosh points out:

“There is curiosity but people are unable to express it without sounding perverse. They assume polyamory to entail only a series of indiscriminate and mindless sexual activities, and want to know only about the sex. What is the fear, I wondered, that lies at the core of this hesitation to take this seriously?”

By emphasizing the emotional, ethical, and practical aspects of polyamorous relationships, Ghosh affirms their legitimacy and complexity. She insists that polyamory is not a simplistic or fleeting concept, but a genuine and multifaceted approach to love that deserves serious consideration.

For Ghosh, polyamory is both a personal and political practice. She makes it clear that love is never simply a private affair. In the context of India, she asserts, “love is a political struggle,” where the right to love outside conventional boundaries comes with significant risk and resistance. As she writes:

“Love that breaks rules, and is made invisible by derision and denial, must be put out there, discussed, and written about-as loudly and frequently as possible.”

This political perspective runs throughout the book, whether Ghosh is examining the legal invisibility of polyamorous relationships, the difficulties of creating a supportive community, or how polyamory intersects with caste, class, and queerness. She is particularly sensitive to the ways in which Indian society polices women’s sexuality and autonomy, which makes polyamorous women especially vulnerable to scrutiny and marginalization.

In addition to its sociocultural analysis, All Our Loves serves as a practical guide, offering valuable insights into the skills and ethics involved in managing multiple relationships. Ghosh covers essential topics such as:

Respecting boundaries

Conflict resolution

Defining relationships on one’s own terms

Balancing time between partners

Cultivating authentic intimacy

Building a supportive community

Dealing with break-ups, jealousy, and living situations

Practicing safe sex and parenting

Ghosh does not romanticize polyamory or present it as an easy alternative to monogamy. In fact, she acknowledges the challenges that come with polyamorous living, writing:

“The book is not meant to make polyamorous sound cooler or tougher or sexier or more progressive or any of that. It is meant to, the book wants to suggest that this is also another way of life, just like monogamy is. And monogamy is not the only ethical way. When you make it the only ethical way to have relationships, then, then things start going wrong.”

Ghosh is open about the difficulties that come with polyamory, from dealing with jealousy and insecurity to grappling with the “pressure of finding that one ideal partner” and the “almost inhuman demands” that monogamy can place on individuals. She emphasizes that polyamory, like any relationship structure, comes with its own set of complexities and challenges.

A particularly thought-provoking section of the book delves into solo polyamory—the choice to remain single while having multiple romantic connections. Ghosh and her interviewees reflect on the joys and obstacles of this path, highlighting the desire for personal space, the avoidance of domestic hierarchies, and the nurturing of longing and desire.

They discuss how solo polyamory allows for greater independence and freedom, offering an alternative to the traditional expectations of cohabitation and exclusivity.

All Our Loves does have its limitations, which Ghosh herself acknowledges. She recognizes that her perspective is shaped by her urban, middle-class, and multilingual background, and points out that the experiences of polyamorous individuals in rural India, or those from different linguistic or cultural settings, may differ significantly. She calls for more diverse stories, research, and books on polyamory in India, highlighting that the topic is still under-explored and needs broader representation.

The book also reflects the evolving nature of polyamory in India. As a practice, it is still in its early stages of visibility, and the social, legal, and emotional frameworks that support it are still developing. Ghosh’s work, while essential and groundbreaking, represents only the first step in a much-needed larger conversation about non-monogamy and love in Indian society.

All Our Loves is a bold, necessary, and deeply compassionate book. Ghosh blends personal honesty with intellectual clarity, offering readers a chance not only to understand polyamorous lives but also to reflect on their own ideas about love, commitment, and freedom. She doesn’t aim to convince or convert, but instead to encourage reflection, understanding, and empathy.

In a society where love is often restricted and controlled by family, community, and state, Ghosh’s declaration that “love is difficult and glorious at the same time, no matter whom or how many people we love” stands as both a radical and hopeful message.

For anyone interested in the future of relationships in India—or in the universal search for authentic connection—this book is a must-read.

Rating: 5/5